It has been over a month since I left full-time employment and now I have begun to properly plan for the next six to twelve months. It’s gonna be a blast. I hope.
I have been lucky to be able to start my project after a large chunk of accrued income came in. That gave me a peace of mind to map my way en-route to Cape Town, in time for WC2010. (More about this come November)

your rezeki murah Nor…insyallah ada la means tu

That was Eddy, when I told her about my crazy scheme. In a way, she’s quite right. It’s one of the things that I’m grateful for.

This week, I’ve had two leads for writing gigs which is always welcomed. Nothing is definite but I’m hoping that at least one will materialise. It is more to keep my mind from going to mush than anything else. Plus, it’ll be a good distraction from all my worries about dangerous territories, currency exchange rate and hostile immigration officers.

Here’s to hoping.

Talking to my favourite people in person is a luxury nowadays. I don’t mind phone calls but it’s much nicer to be physically at the same place, having conversations over [insert beverage of choice] or doing stuff together. While I must admit that I am guilty of having “anti-social” mood swings and picky about who I hang out with (don’t you?), I do make time for the ones that matters. And then some.

In Yogya, I had my hack friends with me. In Saigon, there was Coy and in Macau Eddy. It was really good to catch up on things we don’t talk about online, especially in the last two trips since I usually see them once a year. As with the last time Sara was back, the few days spent with these orang-orang jauh are good times, even if we just spent it lying in a luxurious bed trying to cram a bit more sleep before checkout time.

It is somewhat reassuring I guess, that people still seek me out, even if it doesn’t happen too often. Heh. I’m okay with that. If you see me all the time you might not like it anyway.

Hey, don’t worry about the other half… I’d court you if I were a guy, serious. Think a guy would be blessed to have you as his wife… the dork don’t know what he’s missing!

Only a person who knows you well enough can say things like that, even after they’ve found out your faults and bad habits. Heh. Thanks, Cin!

What kind of qualities do you look for in a guy?

I never expect a seemingly innocent question like that to elicit a tearful response. It was with such a force I was shocked by my own reaction, and quite embarrassed. Crying over something like that in Masjidil Haram is not exactly what I had set out to do when I got there. It wasn’t her fault, she was only being curious.

Maybe it was due to Eid, that I felt like I can put my guard down after a challenging week. Maybe I was tired. I don’t know why exactly but I do know that it still hurts, even when I thought I’ve made peace with myself. When I thought that all I need to do now is letting go of specific memories.

I guess I need more time.

why is it so hard to do good?

why is it so easy to be angry at stupid people?

why can’t people be allowed to develop at their own pace and not be forced to succumb to peer pressure?

why can’t (inexcessive) individuality be tolerated?

how can we be less judgemental of others?

why can’t people ask less useless, nosy questions?

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At 2am, it’s just too quiet that I couldn’t stop thinking about all those stuff. I realise that it’s in our nature to be negative, intolerant, judgemental, nosy, stupid and annoying. But we humans are also blessed with a brain that is supposed to be put to good use, complemented by ability to feel.