Nobody else

First, I was late to the training site yesterday.  Then, I shed tears in front of my senior officer, who was asking for the reason I was late.  They came unbidden as usual, and I couldn’t stop them.  And it didn’t help that people kept asking if I was okay or telling me to chill.

A good officer should not be emotional, is always able to keep calm and be rational.  Guess I’m still bad at handling stress and pressure.  Add mental exhaustion to the mix and you get one grumpy norzu, who’d rather be cranky and feel sorry for herself.

A midshipman doing the work of a lieutenant.  That was how someone described me the other day.  I don’t know if that is apt, but the burden can be overwhelming sometimes.  Still, knowing there are people who appreciates my work helps.  A lot.

I don’t have anyone to blame but myself for yesterday’s episode.  It was me who signed up for all this on top of my day job, which made taking time off difficult.  Yup, it’s all my own doing.

A day’s rest is not a vacation, but that’s all I get for now.  I’ll just have to keep on dreaming about that beach getaway for a while longer and hope for the best.  Because moaning about my lot won’t make the problem go away.



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