Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I don’t want you to change. I know you’re screwed up. I know you are always gonna be screwed up. But you’re the most incredible man I’ve ever known. You are always gonna be the most incredible man I have ever known. So unless you’re breaking up with me, I am going home now.
Dr. Gregory House: I love you.
Today, I had suddenly thought about House and how the show was consistent in following the Rolling Stones’s “you can’t always get what you want” message. The dialogue above was in one of my favourite scenes of that 7th season, and I can’t forget House’s expression when he said those words. Kind of pained, yet still wanting to let it out.
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I kept thinking that maybe I am destined to not have the person I want. Maybe all the good things I have going are to offset that. On one hand, I get to do the stuff I want, to live the life the way I like it but on the other, I don’t get to share that life with someone else. I’ve been okay with that most of the time, because I know I am luckier than most people. It’s just that moments of loneliness can hit me and I’d be swept up in a pity party for one, thinking of reasons why I am on my own. I know I have my armour, my wall, and even that ‘do not disturb’ sign permanently stuck on my forehead and I should put them all away. I guess I do know the reasons why I am the way I am.
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It is a little painful to talk or think about sailing right now. Because I’d think of you and the conversations we had and how I had thought that we could continue having those conversations. You could say that I miss you. You’d be right.