Soliloquy

We’ve only had a few, albeit very honest, conversations, yet I feel like I know a lot about him.  That’s not true of course.  What I know can fill up maybe a page, two at the most.  What I do know, some I don’t even like.  Yet, I still want to talk to him, to know him just a little bit better each time.

There are layers to his being that I’d like to peel off and see what’s underneath.  There are very few people I completely trust and yet I feel that I could tell him things.  Just because I’d told him off and he was okay with the things I said.  That was so refreshing and it knocked down my defences a little more.

Sometimes I’d see him in my dream.  We’re usually not talking, just standing together in an embrace.  There are moments when I thought I’d felt some warmth from it, which I’m sure was part of the dream.

He gets on my nerves and under my skin.  He’s in my head when he is physically miles away.  There is a boundary I cannot cross and yet we are treading oh so very close while still keeping to our own sides.  It is gnawing on my conscience and I am slowly trying to let go of all these feelings I have, not encouraging him.  And still I get the urge to do what I’ve promised not to.  And so my head and heart argue and debate all night long.  Until one side win, and I will either feel elated or frustrated.  Because all I get is fleeting moments.

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