When do you get what you want?

I am having a difficult time letting go of the feelings I have for a man. It should have been really easy, since he is off limits on many levels but even as we keep to the boundaries we’ve each set, I cannot seem to move on and just be friends.

However, in the past month, I was able to limit my contact with him to a very minimum, which came to almost nothing. It was really hard but I managed it. I don’t know if I could continue doing it because I really miss our conversations about… stuff we both love to do. I guess he helped by maintaining his distance, and somehow picking up on what I was trying to do.

I think he is happy with his situation and that does matter to me, his happiness. It’s just sad that it couldn’t be me he’s sharing it with.

It still hurts every time I think about it, how timing is never right when I thought I’d found a person I could be with. I try to appear strong and calm when I’d rather wallow in self pity. I tell myself that there is a reason for everything but sometimes I have my doubts. Because good things seem to happen to other people easily while I work hard to get by.

Sometimes, I just want to have what I want when I want it, you know?

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