Category Archives: I think too much

all shades of blue

I’m not fond of dreams and I don’t like people who goes off to reach for their dreams

A Japanese wife said that in a NatGeo programme I watched earlier. It was a comment on her husband’s ambition to be a bona fide rodeo cowboy, to be a bull rider. She said it with a straight face I didn’t know if she was totally serious or making a joke.

How can you hate having dreams? That was the actual word she used, kirai.

Dreams are, for me, an essential ingredient of life. To not have a dream is just… unthinkable.

Just another whooping wednesday

A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

By Dave Matthews, which I found, here.

Kinda reminds me of Mike Gayle’s Brand New Friend.

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I am surrounded with books, I’ve read two since Monday and now into my third. Very nice.

You got my head spinning

When people ask for my views on the local political scene (we Malaysians can’t seem to escape it), I would say what I always say. I hate politicians.

If asked to explain, which is not often, I’d say that I don’t hate the actual person (usually), but the deeds they do. You know, like being able to say with a straight face that he or she did not do something but everyone else know otherwise. Or telling another politician “don’t be greedy” when he or she is the head honcho in that department.
Then there are the bureaucrats. They are supposed to be the enablers of policies, overseeing progress and ensuring the government works like a well-oiled machine. Not that that ever happen. Anywhere in the world.

I wanted to be part of the system once. Thought I’d work in public service in return for the education I had receive. So I had to find other ways to ‘give back’.

Where am I going with this?

I just saw Body of Lies (yes, an American movie) and was reminded of politicians and bureaucrats who are comfortably ensconced in their leather chairs in air-conditioned rooms, plotting schemes while their people on the ground provide them with information which they can choose to ignore if the info is deemed of no use to propel their message further. And the lies. And the layers upon layers of intrigues.

If you are being true to the people, to yourself, why add untruths into the mix?

I have been told many times that I should take another perspective when looking at the political situation. A perspective that is more rational, less emotional. Less of being morally indignant but puttling more logical thoughts into it. You may wonder how I can continue being a hack if I can’t be rational and write objectively, eh. I guess it is easier when you are not doing hard news.

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Apart from the Ridley-esque cinematography and strong performance from the lead roles, that brief scene towards the end tugged at me. I could see the longing in his eyes and wistful smile.

Imi ga arunda

2エピソードを続けて見て、大泣きをした。
好きな人と一緒にいられないって辛いね。たけどあの人が幸せだったらそれでいい。It’s just harder than I thought it would be.

Gotta let it burn

1430. 2009. The date is just a reference point. A marker. When I look back at the past twelve months, there were many highs and lows indeed. New bonds, lost friendships, new lives, passings, acts of cruelty and of kindness, hope, despair.

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The feelings I have I need to let go. I’ve kept it long enough, yet my heart is unwilling to make peace with the fact that you do not want me, not that way. But soon, perhaps it will. Hijrah is always good, it would be one of the tasks I have to do this year. Because caring hurts too much and I’m such a chicken I can’t tell you that to your face. Not now. Maybe someday.

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More cheers, more fears. Bring it on.