Things I’m grateful for: 16 Apr 14

Work

Work.  It keeps my mind occupied, anchored in the now.  It provides me with new experiences and opportunities to collaborate with interesting people.  However, it can sometimes come to me like an avalanche that I have to turn down some to keep my sanity.

Things I’m grateful for: 15 Apr 14

Colleagues, friends, comrades

People, not things for this entry.  I’m grateful for my friends, who used to be my colleagues in BT.  We grew together professionally and developed our own strengths in the different branches of the industry and yet we remain comrades until today.  We’re all so different, but we get along so well.  Most of the time.  Haha.

Things I’m grateful for: 14 Apr 14

Not in San Francisco the city

 

Being able to have coffee in peace, while planning for tomorrow’s schedule.  It is only Monday but the week’s already filled to the brim with things to do, which leaves not much time to dwell on you.  I think.

Say

The warmth is leaving me, when I wish it would stay for a while longer.

- – -

Say something I’m giving up on you.

That song has been getting a lot of airplay in the past month, and I am now feeling it.  I do wish you’d say something but I think I know you well enough to expect a long radio silence, unless I initiate another contact.  I know enough to have to spell everything out to you, that you could be ignorant to even the most obvious thing.  Because you only focus on what you want, and will work towards obtaining it no matter what.  And I am it.

 

I do feel that I will miss you

This past week has been a series of blearghhh one after another, with some bright spots in between.  I’m grateful to friends who were great company.  I’m thankful that I’m still okay, despite having to go through a bad episode of life.  I’m glad that people still remember me after all these years.

- – -

As much as I want to see you again, I know that I should not, and that all the things I wish I could say to you do not matter.  Because you are still who you are.  I have no intention to change you, because people only change when they decide to change.

I hope you know that I was sincere in my interaction with you.  That I really enjoyed our conversations, and I learned a lot from you.  I guess I somehow forgot my promise to keep to the boundaries I myself had set earlier.  No, I did not forget, I chose to ignore them.  Because for a few moments I was happy and didn’t want the feeling to end.  At the same time, there was that niggling guilt every time I see you and it reminded me of the situation resulting in a power struggle between my emotions and rational thinking.

In a way, I should thank the heavens for this week’s intervention.  Because although I have somewhat prepared myself for the heartbreak, the unexpectedness of it helped to minimise the impact, what with so many things going on at that moment.  I didn’t have much time to think about it, until now.  I am not overly upset, but I do feel that I’ve lost a little part of me that believed that I could have the person I wanted.

This feels like a re-hashing of some stale piece of crap I’ve written so many times before.  Maybe it is.  But who cares, because you surely won’t.

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