Category Archives: Conversations in my head

For the life that you’ve led

I saw my dad last night.

Yeah? How did it go?

It was ok.  The sisters and their families were there so I did not have to even make small talk.  Mostly observed.

So no drama? 

Haha.  Nope.

How do you feel?

I can see that the new wife is nice and I think she might be good for him.  I just hope he is the same for her.

Ok, but how do YOU feel?

I don’t know.  Nothing, I guess.  It was like being at a familiar stranger’s place and having no desire to deepen the connection.

Still indifferent, huh?

You remembered.  I guess I still am.

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Good goes the bye

If it was a blind date, it was a very nice one. Haha. The conversation flowed without awkwardness, and there was a level of comfort I normally would not feel when among strangers. It was a little overwhelming, though, the amount of information I needed to process.

– – –

The events unfolded over the weekend had me thinking (more) about mortality, about old age and about being able to leave this world without giving the ones left behind too much trouble. Planning is not something I am very good at but I guess now is a good time to start rather than later.

– – –

This year’s Raja Muda is something to look forward to.

Your head on my beating heart

I feel that life is unfair most of the time, but he had another view.

“Life is always fair, it’s just we’re too blind to see,” he said.

It was a late night ‘conversation’ about the goings on in our lives after a brief catching up session a few weeks ago. A major reveal led to the understanding of why the radio silence for almost a year.

I’ve never seen him show much emotion, and it was hard to gauge his feelings by the words typed out on the screen. But I’m glad he is moving on with life, wherever that takes him.

– – –

Am I moving on? I guess so. Only once that I had really thought of you in this past month. Make that twice. One was inevitable, the other was a reaction to something that I wished I could share with you, yet I didn’t. It didn’t kill me so maybe I am getting better at this.

– – –

We’ve been fighting all our lives yet nobody seems to want peace and keep moving on to the next war. Unrest is an opportunity, harmony only sets off another fight.

Memori silam meresah malam

At the end of episode three of season one, Rizzoli and Grant sat at the steps of her place, it was raining. Grant reached to pull a lock of her hair and then they got closer that their foreheads touched. They almost kissed, but Rizzoli pulled back slightly and kissed his cheek instead, saying “Have fun in Washington, I’ll miss you.” She then kissed his cheek again, stood up and went inside.

Why do I watch crime procedurals and get sucked in by the side stories, demmit?

– – –

I wish that when people hurt, it really is like the line from the song, that only words bleed and nothing else. So that we don’t feel it, there won’t be any pain.

– – –

I don’t want you. I lied. I’m still lying.

Only words bleed

After a couple of legs racing in lakes, it’s back to the sea this time and it feels really good. The wind is strong, the current is strong and my wrist took a hit during a supposedly ‘fun’ race on Saturday.

– – –

I’m really hoping to get a spot on FORTISSIMO X for Raja Muda . Fuda-san said to wait while he confirms his team’s numbers. Waiting is painful, seriously.

– – –

The manuscript is at the printers and the copies are expected to be ready on time. Career-wise, this is a major project for me. A bit nervous about the response, but am glad the adventure is almost over. Sweat and tears were poured into the project with sleepless nights and restless days for many of us. It’s a relief to have it out of our hands.