いつか、誰かとまた恋に落ちても

I was browsing when I saw this series title and clicked on it for the synopsis. Utada Hikaru’s song started and I was like… oh damn… Because my playlist is stuck in the 90’s and First Love is part of the set up.

On this eve of my 46th birthday, and after stopping myself at episode 5 of the series, I thought about my own 初恋. Or rather, my first unrequited love.

Looking back, I realised that I have always had the difficulty to express myself well, unless it was in writing. And even then, it was hard to be honest and say how I really felt to someone I like. I was a pushover. Yup. That’s it. I didn’t fight for who I wanted, instead I just let him break my heart.

That summer of 97 was when I had to make a clean break. I vaguely remember a long distance call from Fukushima to Manchester where I said quite a bit and continued to wallow in my pity party for one. I remember being invited to his wedding a few years after we graduated but while I’ve moved on, I didn’t think I’d be able to go without being affected by it.

I guess the drama series and Utada’s song made me a bit nostalgic, and although I sometimes wish to feel young, I wouldn’t want to go through my 20’s again. There were too much feelings and too many heartaches. I’d rather be this cranky old lady who is comfortable enough in her skin to just do whatever she pleases.

Squib sailing Sunday

Made the journey to Pulau Indah, home of the Peninsular Sailing Club Selangor to sail on a Squib with Eddy and Ain. I was so rusty, I need to soak in a WD-40 bath. Haha. Seriously, ikat bowline pun tak lepas!

We tried to help with the rigging and everything but the pakciks of PSC did most of the prep as it was our first time taking it out on our own. And we had Abang Amy onboard just in case.

I was helming, and was not very happy with how I did. Maybe we were too heavy at the stern, or maybe I am just shite. Am more inclined to believe the latter. I guess my confidence is still affected by the trauma of Langkawi. You need to be confident to helm a Platu and I’m not up to the task, yet. The pressure is too much, and half of it is probably my own fault because I make it difficult on my self. Hah.

All in all, the Squib is a good boat to train in. While it is still reactive to every move we make, it is much kinder compared to the Platu. The Squib is more like a keelboat-sized dinghy while the Platu is a pure racing boat.

I know I’ll need to get back to helming the Platu again. Soon, perhaps.

Let’s give ’em something to talk about

Team MY Gadis, January 2022

It has been two years since the team MY Gadis raced in the Royal Langkawi International Regatta 2020. One of the scariest things I’ve done in my life, definitely. To be part of this adventure and still charting its path onwards with really awesome people, it’s exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time.

The takeaway from that regatta and from the past year are plenty but we agreed that the main one is being picky is a good thing. We are blessed with supporters rooting for us, although the pressure is sometimes a bit heavy to carry.

May we be able to do what we set out to do.

Friday rant. Again.

So. I raised my voice at an officer today. Obviously, he is ranked higher than me. This is the second time I’ve done this, and both for the same reason. I was asked to do the same task twice.
And both times I had to spend quite a chunk of my time going through words and sentences, looking at the structure, spelling and grammar.

I hate proofreading, but somehow I have a knack for it. It is a tedious job that requires patience and more patience.

So today, after I have spent almost five hours last night and the early hours of this morning, the officer came to me and asked if I could look at a three-pager document which turned out to be the first chapter of what I had already reviewed. He said it was a ‘revised version’. Hah. The revised part was minimal, barely there. What made me angry was how it was 90% still the same chapter and the writer did not bother to make the corrections I have notated! This officer, while just the messenger, should have read through revised version and compared it to the one I have send to him this morning.

– – –

Aku rasa nak maki je dia. And this happened while my ALL officers were in the room. Diorang rilek je biar aku tinggikan suara. Siap bakar lagi. Haha.

– – –

Apa yang aku paling tak puas hati, dia boleh duduk sebelah and cakap “don’t mind me, I just want to see how you work.” Konon impressed dengan hasil kerja aku la. Tapi kerja yang sepatutnya dia buat, dia tak buat. Aku tanya soalan pasal fakta yang berkaitan undang-undang yang ada dalam penulisan tu, dia boleh senang je buat keputusan walhal dia tak tahu. Seriously, dude!

– – –

Aku hormat pangkat dan perjawatan seseorang pegawai dan aku boleh terima kalau dia mintak aku betulkan benda yang aku terlepas pandang atau penulisan yang memang banyak perubahan daripada yang asal. Tapi dia bagi tanpa baca dulu, tak tahu apa yang dia bagi aku.

– – –

I started working in a newsroom, quite a democratic one at that. A junior writer can argue her story with the editor and get her way, or maybe find a compromise if the story that comes out is better that way. And you argue about the headline, and the words to be used. You get asked about the facts that you wrote, the figures, the slant and bias. You admit mistakes, you correct them and you send the story back. When your story comes out the next day, you read it and see how it ended up after going though a number of filters. Sometimes you argue because the last para was removed and it ended on a ‘blaarghh’ note. Sometimes you just don’t bother because it was not vital but it still annoys you.

Kenapa aku masih bernostalgia pasal newsroom? Because I still feel that it was the best training I have received, being a business journalist. Such a steep learning curve, those three years. Kinda defined my writing and editing habits, and later refined by experience of these past 15 years.

– – –

OK dah.

The innocent can never last

We are volunteers

10 days in Langkawi as a volunteer for the SEA Games. The experience was mostly good, I was doing the same things I did for the Monsoon Cup, just in a different capacity. I wrote daily reports but instead of having them as press releases, it got posted onto the official website’s news section.

My team was very small, just four of us. The manager is a big outdoor enthusiast, the other two are young students. We worked well together, and I am grateful to have these ladies for support. We could laugh off almost everything, while enduring the administrative chaos throughout our time there.

I learned more new things about how a regatta is held and had a refresher on things I have forgotten. Like how the race officials are the most hardworking lot apart from the athletes. I don’t think Cik Burn spent more than an hour on land everyday as he had to oversee not one, but four race courses while the PRO even had time to do a ‘wind dance’.

As media volunteers, we assist in ensuring coverage goes smoothly for the press people. Daily routine included boat availability check, updates on results and for me, making sure that they actually know what was going on out on the water. And I file stories with the hope that people would want to read up more about the sport.

I would love to see sailing being in the mainstream, for sailors like Fauzi, Wanie, Latif and Lin to have the same opportunities as athletes in football and hockey for funding and sponsorship. I also want them to have the chance to make use of their talent to move upwards, turn professional. Like Ben Ainslie or Peter Burling. I don’t think my stories would get them there, but some attention to them is better than nothing at all. These kids do not have a trust fund to finance their careers or have a wealthy backer to set them up with a team. At least not yet.