PostSecret.com, of course
People have huge capacities to remember, I believe. Would you think about me, after I am out of your life?
I was driving when A Shoulder to Cry On went on air. That song reminds me of arwah Mike, every time. Tommy Page was her pretty boy singer of choice when we were at school. We all had one.
Her daughter is the same age as Noah. She’ll be in primary school next year. The older brother would be a few years older. I wonder if he remembers his mom.
– – –
“Are you okay with things?”
“Most of the time.”
– – –
Hobbies are expensive! Travelling, sailing, shooting, photography. Writers don’t get paid much, especially if you’re a freelancer, so one activity at a time. Note to self.
Bapak aku nak kawin lagi. My sisters told me about it earlier, but I’m not too bothered about it. And I’ll be away for work on his wedding day so didn’t think much of it.
However, I’m quite pissed off right now after finding out how he had asked the girls to get my mum’s copy of their divorce certificate because he doesn’t have his. Bloody hell. For a PhD candidate, you’re pretty stupid, aren’t you?
Insensitive prick. Excuse my language, but I felt that was appropriate for the man who has continued to disappoint whenever he attempts to get us involved in his life. Or maybe it’s just me. I don’t think so.
I am okay with him out of the picture. I just don’t like it when he causes problems for my sisters, who still maintain some sort of communication with him, or my mum, who doesn’t. I thought I’m done caring about what he does. I think I am but it rankles me when he hurts my mum or my sisters. Aku cakap ramai lelaki bangang, marah.
We got to the party late, but many were still around, chilling. I headed straight to the water, felt the sand making its way into my shoes. He followed me there.
“I love the sound of the waves,” I said. I could hear laughter and the soft music just a few metres away but where we were there was just the sound of lapping water onto sand.
I glanced sideways to him and then upwards to the star-filled sky. It was a beautiful evening and there was no other place I would rather be.
Moving towards an empty chair, I fixed my gazed onto his unreadable face as he sat next to me.
“I’m sorry for the trouble I caused today.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he finally said. “Well, you could’ve watch more carefully where you were going but accidents do happen.” I knew it.
“I’m just glad you weren’t hurt badly.”
I dropped my gaze then, afraid to show any emotion which he could easily read on my face.
“The team and I had wanted to surprise you here, but I had to go to the hospital so that didn’t work out,” I confessed. He smiled then.
“Thanks for the thought. But I’m not seventeen, you know.”
“It’s still your birthday,” I countered, half laughing at the thought of him being a teenager. He wouldn’t be much different, surely, except for the few strands of grey in his hair.
He finally laughed, and I felt a rush of affection for this young man who made this happen for me. I turned to see one of the crew started walking towards us but then stopped when he saw me. He just smiled and turned to the opposite direction.
– – –
Mingling is something I am not very good at. Although I am better at it now, I would prefer to sit quietly at a corner and let the merry makers take the floor without me.
He was next to me at the table, and was in a chatty mood. It was the final evening and I again felt as if we were the only ones there, despite the throng of people around us.
A guy came up to us and upon seeing me, commented on the latest article written by the organiser.
“You’re the female tactician, right?” the guy asked excitedly, much to my embarrassment and explained to his girlfriend about the article, aware that I was right in front of them.
He laughed at my predicament but was serious when he spoke.
“People took notice, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You should be proud.”
We were sitting so close that I could just reach for his hand and held it in mine. But I didn’t. Instead, I just stared at the table, still embarrassed. He gave me a pat on the back.
“You did good. Just focus on improving.”
That made me feel better. Just a little bit.
Because it is humbling and at the same time empowering. Humbled by mother nature, her whims can cause the most seasoned of sailors to succumb to defeat, reminding me of my own limitations when confronted with the elements. Empowering because I’d learn and re-learn the skills needed to navigate the waters and, to a certain extent, life.
One of my biggest fears ( and I do have a few of those) is to be seen as ordinary. You know how you meet a person and have that feeling that there is more to that person than who he or she says she is? That is what I want to be. More than what I appear to be. I can be a shabbily dressed makcik in t-shirt and bermudas walking around in slippers but I kickass at something not many are able to do. I’m still not there yet, apart from my dressing. But at least I could handle a boat. Haha.