I want what they have

By they, I meant Celine and Jesse.  I know they are fictional characters from three separate movies, but I still want what they have.  That connection.  That recognition of the impact of their first encounter had on their lives even after nine years apart, which was when they next meet.

I don’t want to wait nine years, though, because I know how precious life is.

– – –

I like Before Sunset best.  The first movie was too hopeful and young (if that makes sense), the third too real.  But the reunion in Paris had a dreamlike quality while maintaining some ‘realness’ to it.  When the three combined, the flow was believable, it showed how the couple evolved throughout the years first without each other and then together.  The looks, the flirting, the fights, I want all of it.


The world of me and you

The horizon was streaked with shades of orange and grey. It was wet on deck, the third day of racing, and we should approach Penang in a couple of hours. The rain had stopped and wind was light, but the waves were fairly high still, making us give up on trying to cook and broke out the dry rations for dinner.

“Are you trying to stare that biscuit to death?” He came to sit next to me near the cockpit where a few others were also taking a short break.

“I was looking at the water, silly,” I replied. Actually, I was thinking of another sailing trip with him some ten months earlier. A week of pure happiness it was for me.

“Do you remember that time I fell on the boat during that final match race?” Of course I did. I was on the media boat when he texted me about it.

“I was really worried you’d cracked a rib or something. And your voice took a long time to recover.” It was seven months ago and I have not forgotten the feeling.

“I was worried too. And it made me realise how painful it was for you when you had the accident in January.” I fell on the boat we had sailed together and the pain near my right ribs took a couple of months to fully disappear.

“I was glad that you were okay, although I do miss that sexy voice you had sometimes,” I said. He laughed at that.

I didn’t mention it before we went on board, but I knew that this would be our last race together. Our situation has not changed and I doubt that it will, despite his new assignment. He took my hand and held it in his while I kept my eyes closed listening to the waves.

“Break is over, comms officer.” He stood and went back to the charts down below. I saw the skipper looking at me and went to him. He’s been a great source of knowledge as usual, and I wanted to hear more about the race he had entered last summer from California to Hawaii. It was partly to distract myself from thinking too much and partly to learn more from the skipper’s 40-odd years of experience.

– – –

From Penang, we moved on to Langkawi. It would be my third visit to the island this year, I haven’t even gone back to the kampung that often. We managed to get onto the podium for the passage race to Penang and were hoping for a repeat performance for the next leg. The navigator’s excited, even when I reminded him we’re in the cruising class, not the IRC 1.

“What happened to fun sailing and enjoying the moment?”

“I can’t help myself, it felt great to win the other day,” he said. Competitive as always.

– – –

I made coffee and went up on deck. It was almost dawn and most of the crew who opted to stay on the boat for the last time were still asleep. He was at the bow pulpit, his sleeping bag wrapped around him. I handed a cup to him and sat down. He wrapped me in as well, warm and safe. I kept quiet, sipping my drink while looking out. After a while, I put my cup down and held him close.

“Thank you for being here,” was all I said. I felt him nod and pulled me closer.

“I think you need a shower.” Romantic, aren’t we?

If you want, read this first.
And this last.

Only words bleed

After a couple of legs racing in lakes, it’s back to the sea this time and it feels really good. The wind is strong, the current is strong and my wrist took a hit during a supposedly ‘fun’ race on Saturday.

– – –

I’m really hoping to get a spot on FORTISSIMO X for Raja Muda . Fuda-san said to wait while he confirms his team’s numbers. Waiting is painful, seriously.

– – –

The manuscript is at the printers and the copies are expected to be ready on time. Career-wise, this is a major project for me. A bit nervous about the response, but am glad the adventure is almost over. Sweat and tears were poured into the project with sleepless nights and restless days for many of us. It’s a relief to have it out of our hands.

The place called home

It was early spring, in 2010. I had arrived in New York City after a month travelling across the US, feeling tired, cold and homesick. The song Home by Michael Bublé played a few times and I was ready to give up on my quest, because I longed to be back in KL where it’s always warm and I wouldn’t have to worry about dry skin, icy cold feet and which mode of transportation to take next. But I was saved by familiar people, an old schoolmate and a not-so-new acquaintance. A day with them and all was well again. I was able to complete my tour and moved on to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Turned out that I needed saving there too and I had strangers as my heroes, plus I received a hug from an angel as a bonus.

When I think of the word home, I think of my favourite people, doing things that I love and wearing the uniform. Home is where I am able to contribute, to give back. It is also the place where my heart is but it has gone off wandering. Again. I wish it would come back soon. I miss it.

Right now, I am the closest to home as I will ever be. The emotions I felt in New York that spring five year ago have crept up on me once in a while but they have never stayed long. So far that is. I hope it will remain that way for the foreseeable future.

The night we had until the morning

“I still remember that Friday evening, the last time we were here,” she finally said after recovering from the unexpected pit stop.

He continued looking at the stars but she noticed his smile.

“It was my birthday and you got hurt falling on the boat. Tomorrow is yours and since we’re back on this island, I wanted to bring you here before we leave in the morning.”

She thought it was the best birthday gift and said so. He stood up from the deck chair and walked the two steps to where she was sitting and hugged her. Her arms snaked across his back and stayed there for a while, wishing she did not have to let go. But she did, eventually. She felt tears at the back of her eyes and couldn’t stop them. He was surprised when she stood and walked to the edge of the water but didn’t immidiately follow her there.

“I left my heart here ten months ago and I think it will be here for a while longer,” she told him, wiping away her tears.

He took her hand and led her back to the car. That moment was all they had and she knew better than to ask for more.


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