When do you get what you want?

I am having a difficult time letting go of the feelings I have for a man. It should have been really easy, since he is off limits on many levels but even as we keep to the boundaries we’ve each set, I cannot seem to move on and just be friends.

However, in the past month, I was able to limit my contact with him to a very minimum, which came to almost nothing. It was really hard but I managed it. I don’t know if I could continue doing it because I really miss our conversations about… stuff we both love to do. I guess he helped by maintaining his distance, and somehow picking up on what I was trying to do.

I think he is happy with his situation and that does matter to me, his happiness. It’s just sad that it couldn’t be me he’s sharing it with.

It still hurts every time I think about it, how timing is never right when I thought I’d found a person I could be with. I try to appear strong and calm when I’d rather wallow in self pity. I tell myself that there is a reason for everything but sometimes I have my doubts. Because good things seem to happen to other people easily while I work hard to get by.

Sometimes, I just want to have what I want when I want it, you know?

See how the main sail sets

When I read what you wrote during your journey those years ago, I wondered if you have read those entries again, remembering the emotion you felt during those months away from these shores. The people you missed, the things you had planned to do when you returned, the dreams you carried with you.
I cried (of course) during random entries, eventhough I’ve read them before in the official compilation. I’m weird like that.
The personal bits were quite a surprise, it gave me another glimpse into your personal space. I hope you have showed them to the important people in your life, to let them know how your memory of them helped you through the challenges and the thought of seeing them again gave you the courage to see through the task you had signed up for.
Thank you for the honour. It was unexpected and made me realise all over again how we were destined for friendship and nothing more.

Where the light exists

What would you give to the person you love?
I’ve mostly given books. Not newly bought, but my personal copies of titles I like. That would be on top of the list I think. I really suck as choosing gifts, books would usually be my first choice. Followed by experiences such as a concert, or taking the nephews to the zoo or the bird park instead of buying them toys. Make memories, you know.
I don’t think I could give my most prized collection, though. No matter how important a person is to me. I might share the books, or buy new ones for them.

You and me are gone

The Volvo Ocean Race 2014/15 had just ended with Team SCA crossing the finish line for the last time in Gothenburg, Sweden. Nine months of intense racing and now it is over.
One boat, Team Vestas Wind, ran aground on my birthday. It kind of made it personal to me, and it was such a happy moment when the boat managed to be rebuild in time for the Lisbon leg, and the team finished on the podium in Lorient in second place. What an awesome story that was.
I am quite sad now that it is all over. No more exchanging messages about who is leading or which boat is having what trouble. No more checking updates from teams and the official site at 2am (well, sometimes).
The magenta boat of Team SCA, Vestas Wind’s sky blue vessel, Abu Dhabi Ocean Racing’s yellow, red and black colours, the fiery red teams Dongfeng Race Team and MAPFRE, Team Brunel’s dark green and yellow and Team Alvimedica’s heart-like logo. I’ll surely miss them all in the next few weeks, amid pressing deadlines, differing creative directions and pining for the sea.

Be happy, be well


PostSecret.com, of course

People have huge capacities to remember, I believe. Would you think about me, after I am out of your life?


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